Thursday, May 14, 2009

The height of absurdity, Florida-style...

Okay, by now, we should have all heard the story. Those of us who read the newspaper daily heard about the crazy NASA lady that drove across the country to confront her lover's new girlfriend. Those who watch television religiously saw Letterman and Leno cracking jokes about how she was allegedly wearing Depends while driving so she wouldn't have to make a pit-stop. She reserved the right to plead insanity in an earlier court date.

It should be painfully obvious to EVERYONE who's heard ANYTHING about this case, that this broad is nuckin' futs. No question about it. She needs to be in a padded cell, and dosed heavily with a Thorazine/Lithium cocktail. That's all there is to that aspect of the situation.

Now, let's move on to the criminal charges. While the Orlando Police Department attempted to be pricks about the situation (mainly, to circumvent a court-ordered release after she posted bail), and charge Nowak with Attempted First Degree Murder, this charge has been dropped.

On March 2, 2007, Lisa Nowak had formal charges filed against her by the District Attorney. Two of these charges were serious felonies, while the third was a simple First Degree Misdemeanor.

1) Attempted kidnapping with intent to inflict bodily harm or terrorize is a First Degree felony, and carries a maximum sentence of LIFE IMPRISONMENT.

2) Burglary of a conveyance with a weapon is a First Degree felony, and carries a maximum sentence of LIFE IMPRISONMENT.

3) Battery, on the other hand, is merely a misdemeanor punishable by only one year in jail.

Let's look at what is necessary to be legally found guilty of these charges, shall we?

On charge 1, the State of Florida must prove that an attempt was made to forcibly remove Colleen Shipman from her car. There is no physical evidence to corroberate this claim, and the state will be forced to rely upon eyewitness testimony from Colleen Shipman alone. Any defense attorney worth his salt will IMMEDIATELY destroy Colleen Shipman's credibility on the stand, because of her inherent conflict of interest in the case. She was, after all, the new girlfriend of Lisa Nowak's ex-boyfriend. There's really no point in even attempting to pursue such charges, because it's going to be fruitless.

On charge 2, the State of Florida must prove that Lisa Nowak actually ENTERED Colleen Shipman's car. She didn't. The projectile from her pepper-spray canister did, but Nowak herself DID NOT enter Colleen Shipman's car. It just never happened. Shipman had her door locked, and rolled the window down just barely enough to allow Nowak to pepper-spray her through the opening. Again, it's pointless to pursue this charge.

On charge 3, it's an open-and-shut slam-dunk case. There's no doubt that all evidence available supports the charge of Lisa Nowak battering Colleen Shipman via pepper spray, through the opening of her slightly-cracked window.

The State of Florida is going on yet another taxpayer-funded excursion to throw someone in jail for the rest of her life, is going to spend a metric shitload of money doing it, and will be lucky to get a maximum jail term and/or fine for a misdemeanor...which is one year in the county lockup, and/or $1,000 fine.


So now, let's look at how the state screwed up...

First and foremost, let's look at the police. They willfully and knowingly violated Lisa Nowak's "Miranda rights"...and, as ruled by a judge, any statement recorded during that time is lawfully inellligble for use at her trial. A woman who could have lawfully (and, by all indications, rightfully) been locked away for the rest of her life, is now most probably going to be let go with a year of probation and a hefty fine.

Now, knowing that the local pork has seriously shot the state in their collective foot, the DA is STILL attempting a first-degree attempted kidnapping charge on nothing more than circumstantial evidence and eyewitness testimony by a witness that will be utterly destroyed on the stand. Adding stupidity to self-inflicted injury, they're attempting to prosecute a charge they have no possible way of proving...BECAUSE THE CRIME NEVER HAPPENED.

The best the prosecution can possibly hope for in this case, because they are shooting for the moon with a rubber-band gun, is that they get a sympathetic jury that will convict on Charge 3 and sentence to the maximum.

If they get a jury that tries to go balls-out on all three charges, knowing that they are bullshit, all three are likely to get tossed on appeal.

If they get a jury that is upset by the state's use its power for the purposes of asserting its authority, and wishes to punish the state, this crazy broad is gonna walk.


And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when you try to go above and beyond your end up fucking up. Pure and simple.

The police screwed up, broke a law that's well-known enough that third-graders can recite it, and this resulted in compromised evidence that could have possibly sent an insane criminal to prison for the remainder of her life.

The prosecution, knowing that the police screwed up their case, still insisted on charging the defendant with A) a crime they couldn't prove, and B) a crime that never happened.

In doing so, they are risking either letting a criminal walk free, or having themselves (and the state's justice system) embarassed in the appeals process.

Good job, Florida.

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