Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Has anyone seen my Taser-resistant jacket? And some political "definitions", as I see them...

Tomorrow morning, I'll being going through the final stages of preparation for the first instance of actual formal public protest against our government that I've ever been involved in. Yes, that's right...for all the bitching and moaning that I've done about the way our government has repeatedly raped our rights and wiped its collective ass with that "goddamned piece of paper" known as the constitution, I'm actually going out and raising my voice loudly and proudly. I'm going to make use of my right to free speech and my right to peaceably assemble.

I honestly hope that tomorrow's protest goes smoothly, and The People are able to make their voices heard without disruption from counter-protesters OR law enforcement.

And I hope I don't get Tasered. Or pepper-sprayed. Or arrested. Or shot.

Well, it turns out, I don't really have a "Taser-resistant" jacket...but I do have the next best thing that's legal to bring in a public place without a permit. It's called a camera. Say it with me, kids...CAM-UH-RUH.

Yes, any cop will tell you (and this is actually something you can trust when they tell you, because I know from personal experience that it's true!) that a camera is your worst enemy when you're guilty, and your best friend when you're innocent.

This is completely and totally unrelated to the topic mentioned above, but a friend was asking me about this earlier...so I felt the need to throw it out there for public consumption.

Now, for the unknowing, I'd like to throw in some information about the world we live in.
This nation is not the "melting pot" we're taught that we live in, but rather, it's the amalgumation of five distinct (albeit occasionally intertwined) groups. I figure the definition of these people will help others further understand my frame of reference...

1) The Clueless. There are those that, quite honestly, just really don't give a shit about anything that happens in this nation. They're quite easy to spot...female specimens are typically found at a shopping mall, wearing over-priced t-shirts bearing the words "Air Mail" (often written in french), while sporting oversized sunglasses and displaying photos on myspace depicting the "pouty" look. Male specimens have been known to drive "rice rockets", or as popularized in southern states, large 4x4 pickups covered in an oddball combination of chrome and RealTree(r) camouflage...and are often known to wear flip-flops, cargo shorts, and mass-produced Chinese t-shirts bearing a generic almost-American symbol or something that evokes a Bram Stoker S&M nightmare. Their main hobbies include watching American Idol and pretending to have a clue. These people are not my ideological enemies, they are merely ignorant of the world around them.

2) Neo-Conservatives. Those who continue to support undeclared "wars"...such as wars on terror, drugs, and any other random bumper-sticker slogan that Rush Limbaugh wants to popularize this week, regardless of how the "necessity of winning" may cause our government to trample upon our constitution. These are quite easy to spot, as well...they are typically seen still displaying stickers reading "W. Still the President" on the back window of an over-priced land barge that gets six miles per gallon, while resorting to the come-back of "Shut up, you stupid liberal" whenever someone vocally disagrees with them. It matters not whether the person disagreeing with them is actually a "liberal" or not, because to a Neo-Con, the term "liberal" is synonymous with an inherent evil worse than Charles Manson's wet dreams...even though a Neo-conservative is highly unlikely to even understand the definition of the word "liberal", and often fails to realize that he is in fact, a liberal himself. Neo-Cons pride themselves on being "supportive of the troops", although they often "support" their nation's military by purchasing a Chinese-made sticker depicting a yellow ribbon...because joining the military is somewhat dangerous. Neo-Conservatives are known to complain about illegal immigrants while eating meals prepared by illegal immigrants, as well as being proponents of the "Fair Tax". Neo-conservatives are also known to be statists, to a very strong degree. Neo-Cons are highly antagonistic toward "big brother"...unless it suits their purposes.

3) Liberals. Not Neo-Con liberals, who are actual liberals but think they are the polar opposite, but those who proudly declare themselves to be "liberals". The two terms can be differentiated by the capitalization of the "L". Liberals are often under the misguided assumption that candle light vigils will actually reduce crime more succinctly than your typical handgun used by a law-abiding citizen. They are known to run amok, spewing trite crap about the "scientific consensus regarding global warming" when we can't even predict the weather next tuesday. Liberals have a fondness for Che Guevara and other murderous communist revolutionaries, but are often silenced by the mere mention of Stalin or Chairman Mao. Liberals tend to think that our nation's problems can be solved by involving the government, which leads me to believe that most Liberals were too stoned to remember the last time they were at the driver's license office. Female Liberals can often be spotted by their inherent failure to shave where it matters. They often have "issues" with anyone who thinks that a woman should be able to kill a spider on her own before insisting that she have the "right" to serve in combat. Male Liberals can also often be spotted quite easily, due to their inherent ability to, ummm, make a coherent verbalized sentence without repeatedly using the word "ummm". This is most commonly attributed to the over-abundant usage of mind-altering substances...which is also the reason he has been unable to hold a steady and worthwhile job. Liberals are known to wear "flip-flops", but these are not to be confused with the "Crocs" typically worn by the Clueless and the Neo-Con youth. Liberal sandals are usually made of leather, because plastic promotes global warming...unless the Liberal is an "oppressed vegan", who is wearing plastic shoes because the man is keeping him/her down. And wearing leather is murder. Liberals are known to be statists in the second-highest degree.

4) Statist bureaucrats. These are actually statists in the highest degree. They are actually employed by the state, which means they are employed by YOU AND ME. They are easily spotted. The most common statist bureaucrat you will encounter wears a star-shaped piece of metal known as a "badge", and is commonly referred to as a "pig", a "cop", a "hater", or a "Law Enforcement Officer". That last moniker is typically only used by pro-statists promoting the agenda of statist bureaucrats, and/or statist bureaucrats themselves. Other statist bureaucrats are known by the title of "Senator", "Mayor", "President", "*insert acronym here* Agent", "Municipal Utility District Clerk", and a myriad of other names. They have achieved something that many persons have thought impossible...they have managed to systematically screw up more peoples' lives and livelihoods in this country over a period of 200 years than anyone had ever previously imagined possible. Statist bureaucrats often lead a "double life", claiming to disagree with the actions of their government at every opportunity but refusing to vocalize their opinions publicly...or actually quit their jobs. They are often known to be very whimsical, providing speedy and polite service at seldom and random intervals, while most often taking as much time as possible to get the job done. This is not due to being "paid by the hour" or "not being paid by the hour", but rather due to "being paid, regardless".

Statist bureaucrats are often known to be supportive of both mainstream political parties, depending on which partisan actions will guarantee the "necessity" of a statist bureaucrat. Often, when statist bureaucrats are prosecuted for illegal acts, it is because they have in some way angered those in a position to prosecute them...or screwed up, and allowed these illegal acts to become part of the Six O'clock News. Statist bureaucrats top my list of ideological enemies, for three simple reasons...they serve no real purpose, they cost me money, and they often do things that really just piss me off.

5) The rest of us. We just want to be left alone. We don't need, nor do we want, universal health care. We don't need someone to tell us we're driving "too fast", because we're smart enough to figure that out on our own. We know that cigarettes and trans-fats are bad for us and will probably kill us, but we just don't give a damn. We don't smoke crack or own anti-tank missiles, but feel that we should have the right to do so if we so choose. We know that we live in world that couldn't give two shits about us if we don't fit some random minority demographic, and as a result, we really don't give two shits about the rest of the world. We don't want to be told that we need to pay some statist bureaucrat every four years before we're allowed to drive a car we paid for on a road we paid for. We certainly don't want to wait in line for four hours, just so someone we're already paying can take our picture, ask us questions we don't want to answer, and waste even more of our precious time. We don't want to be strip-searched at the airport, even if it's "randomly", when we haven't been convicted of any wrongdoing. We don't want private conversations with our wives, girlfriends, or random skanks we're banging this week to be monitored by someone who gets paid to read our private emails. We disagree with the idea of mortgaging our children's and grandchildren's future to foreign nations so we can keep propping up other nations because those nations want to further someone else's foreign policy ideals. We don't think our government has any business imprisoning someone for being in possession of a rock of "crack"...but also don't think our government has any business supporting those who choose to be "crackheads". We don't think it's right that despots in third-world shitholes should impose authoritarian rule in the nations they rule...but we don't think it's our responsibility to be the world's police force. We don't think our resources should be used by anyone but us and those we care to share them with...because they honestly don't belong to anyone but us. We just want to be left alone.

Your lives are not our fault, our lives are not your business.

1 comment:

  1. I agree with most of #5 except that I do believe there are people who care about me. And they aren't all fam. I have chosen to follow Jesus as my leader, and He has changed my heart so that I really care about others, and changed others hearts so they care about me. Oh, and if not for my oldest son educating me, I would probably be #1. I like designer ____ stuff.