My records request letter

The following letter was written to David Ashburn, chief of the Angleton Police Department, in Angleton TX 77515. This letter was written to him after I contacted him via telephone, asking him about how I needed to go about filing a formal open records request. He informed me that an email wouldn't be good enough, it had to be hand-delivered to the police station "so he'd know it was me". It was received by dispatcher Lisa Swift at approximately 19:00, 28Nov11.

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Attention: DAVID ASHBURN, CHIEF OF POLICE, ANGLETON POLICE DEPARTMENT

This is a formal written request for copies of the following records, as they pertain to the DETAINMENT, ARREST, BOOKING, PROPERTY CONFISCATION, FINGERPRINTING, BOND HEARING, and RELEASE of BARRY HAYES ***** on NOVEMBER 22 of 2011, CASE #2011******, for the alleged offense of FAILURE TO IDENTIFY:

All audio and video recordings created by electronic equipment inside the patrol car of OFFICER JANA BLAHA.

All audio and video recordings created by electronic equipment inside the patrol vehicle of the PATROL SERGEANT ON THE SCENE OF THE ARREST.

All audio and video recordings created by electronic equipment inside the ANGLETON CITY JAIL BOOKING AREA.

All audio and video recordings created by electronic equipment inside the ANGLETON CITY JAIL FINGERPRINTING AREA.

All audio and video recordings created by electronic equipment inside the ANGLETON POLICE DEPARTMENT HALLWAYS AND LOBBY.

All audio recordings created by electronic equipment, of all RADIO TRANSMISSIONS from OFFICER JANA BLAHA, the PATROL SERGEANT ON THE SCENE OF THE ARREST, and the DISPATCHER OF THE ANGLETON POLICE DEPARTMENT.

The arrest report for CASE #2011******

In the interest of simplicity and cost savings, I would prefer digital copies of these records in a commonly-readable format. If digital copies in a commonly-readable format are not available, analog copies will suffice.

Upon receipt of this request, please acknowledge receipt and provide details as to when I may pick up these records, in writing, to either my email address at n******78@yahoo.com, or via hand delivery to my physical home address of 10** N Ch******, Angleton TX 77515. Since I am expected (per your own instructions during our telephone conversation on 11/22/11) to provide this notice in writing and hand-deliver it to the police station before these records will be considered for release, I figure it is reasonable to expect the same from you, in the event that you are unable to provide acknowledgment and pickup details via your publicly-funded email account.

Welcome to the land of the Free. Papers, please?

In the wee hours of the morning, I'm getting up hours earlier than I need to...so I can deal with a four month old puppy, a 92 year old grandmother, and a girlfriend trying to get to school an hour away.

I had to run out to my Jeep for something (I honestly can't even remember what it was, now)...but I inadvertently locked my keys in the vehicle. About the time I realized this, it had begun to pour down raining. It was also right about this time that I realized I had left my jacket in the passenger seat the day before. So there I am, with a window cracked open 2”, trying to manipulate a bent coat hanger between the window and my Vent Visor...without having to rip the Vent Visor off the side of the Jeep.

Wasn't happening. I ran back inside, grabbed something a bit more rigid (this time, a wooden yardstick), and also ripped a “head hole” and a pair of “arm holes” out of a large trash bag. So I run back outside, wearing a black trash bag (and a ball cap, because the rain keeps getting on my glasses), and try to use the yardstick. No avail, it's flexing too much and it's too long.

So I go for round three. I'm out there with the fireplace poker. Yes, I've literally wedged a fireplace poker between my window and my plastic Vent Visor. Right about this time, “Angleton's Finest” decides to show up. “Hey, you got a slim jim?”, I ask. “No. Can I see your driver's license?”, she replies.

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm in no mood to deal with the police, EVER. Reason being? Personal experience shows that, at best, they're useless. Most likely, they're there to cause problems.

So, naturally, I said “No.” Not forcefully, not in an impolite tone of voice, just an assertive “No.” I waved her on, because I had popped the door lock switch open, and had gone inside to discard the fireplace poker and trash bag.

She again asked for my identification. “My name is Barry Hayes Rhodes. That's my Jeep. You're in my front yard.”.

We go back and forth. She informs me that she needs to be absolutely positive that I am who I say I am, and she has the authority to do so because she has witnessed me “with my hand in the window” of my own vehicle.

She tells me that she's going to take me to jail, if I don't produce a state-issued piece of plastic...because, apparently, the reality of the situation isn't quite good enough for her. Nevermind, of course, that she has no legal recourse to take me to jail, and doing so would be a violation of both state law AND my civil liberties. She goes on to threaten my own grandmother, who is now standing in the doorway, with jail for “interfering with an investigation”...which also would have been against the law, because my grandmother did nothing but assert facts (facts that did, in fact, point out the obvious...the officer was trespassing on private property, I did own the vehicle, and I did in fact live at the house).

She kept it up. “Show me your ID, or you're under arrest for Failure to Identify!” Well, having known the law for quite some time, I informed her that she was not in compliance with the law...but, fuck it, LET'S RIDE!

So I get cuffed and stuffed, and she's still trying to act like a hard-ass in the car. I informed her that I'm not going to hold court in the back seat of some half-ass wanna-be cop car...and if we're going to jail, we should be on our way. “This is MY arrest! You don't get to tell me what to do!”

Oh, wow, where have I heard that one before? Oh yeah. It's that last state trooper that arrested me (charges dropped!). At least this dizzy bitch had the nerve to at least arrest me before saying it, but I digress.

So we get to the jail. Cops are crowding around. I finally get out of that pansy-ass halfway cop car they've got me shoved into, and I ask her. “Can you get these handcuffs off of me now?”

Once again, forever being Betty Jane Badass, she replies “Not while we're in the sallyport!” All the while, I'm just thinking...WTF are we waiting for? We finally get inside the city jail, and some guy who insists on perpetuating the stereotype of “overweight and overpaid city cop” starts booking me in.

He sees my name, and asks me if I'm related to a man commonly known as my father. “You're goddamned right, he's my father. Does he know you?” Said man goes on to ask me various questions, and gets to the part where he asks me where I work. “That's not important”, I reply.

At this point, he asks me something along the lines of “What, are you one of those 'Republic of Texas' guys?” “Come again?”, I ask, not sure where he's going with that line of questioning. “Those guys hate everything about me.”

I inform said cop that I don't hate him, I just don't quite understand his motivations. He asks me why I do what I do for a living. I tell him that I'm good at what I do, and I enjoy helping people. Tells me that's why he became a cop, because he likes to help people. I look down at the very prominent red ring on my wrist, left behind by the handcuffs, and set my gaze there for a few moments...long enough so he has to look at it, too. I ask him, “You're helping me?”

“Well, when I have a murderer, I don't help him.”

That lasts for a few questions, and then he turns it over to the woman who arrested me in my own front yard. She gets to the property confiscation section of booking, and brings up the issue of jewelry. “I know you've got a chain around your neck, I'm gonna need that.”

I'd give my third nut to be able to capture the look on her face, when I took it off and handed her my handcuff key that was dangling from that chain. Then came the part where I was supposed to sign for the property they received. She handed me a digital keypad (screen was broken all to hell, I might add), and said “Sign this”. I informed her that I would need to see what I was signing for. She pointed at my belongings, and said “You're signing for all of that.”. I told her that I would need a list of all of the belongings that were being logged in, prior to signing anything. She tells me she can't give me a list, it's on the computer. I point to the printer to her right (my left), and inform her that I can't see the screen she's looking at. She takes the touchscreen away and signs (unlawfully, of course), “REFUSED”.

Then we did mug shots, and she got to the tattoos section. She asked where they were, what they were, etc. Then it was to the cell. Then out of the cell, after hearing my name called. And being told to step back. And then to step back further. Wow, control issues much?

Then it was to the fingerprint machine. We apparently didn't do this earlier, because she couldn't figure out how to work it. That kinda made me laugh. This broad arrested me for a crime she thought I might have committed, and then couldn't figure out what to do after she arrested me.

Six hours later, I finally get released after having my father come up and piss away a day's wages on a cash bond. This is, of course, after I've already burned a day of vacation on JAIL TIME for a crime that I've neither committed or been convicted of.

After receiving my property (and yes, I made it a point to prominently display the handcuff key that I'd EARNED on my previous experiences with unlawful arrest), I asked her to tell me specifically which particular section of the state penal code I was violating.

“Well, it's on your citation”. No, actually, it's not. It's the local PD's code. I want the specific state law you kidnapped me at gunpoint over.

She didn't know it. She had me locked in a cage for SIX GODDAMNED HOURS, and threatened to arrest my grandmother for “interfering with her investigation” of it, but didn't know it. She told me to take a hard left and walk through that door....and she'd go look it up, and provide me with it.

Eventually, a city clerk provided me with a Post-it Note that had the particular penal code statute number on it. Big surprise, nothing in this morning's actions ever came close to violating that statute.

This is what I'm paying you for, OFFICER JANA BLAHA? This is what my family is paying you for? For you to act like a bully? For you to threaten a 92 year old woman with arrest, because she points out your failures? I'll see you in court, dear. Toodles...

How do you explain it?

When I finally discover my purpose in life to be that of the man who leads others to discovering their own freedom, how do I reconcile it with the notion of feeling the need to take away the freedom of someone because she is unable to care for herself?

Fuck my life.

The problem with Dr. Paul's Foreign Policy

Honestly, I don't see a problem with it. I think it's not only in line with the teachings of Christ, it's also in line with the beliefs of our founders. That said, let's go over a few points...

ISRAEL

Okay, before anyone goes and calls me an anti-Semite, let's clear something up. I don't hate Jewish people any more than I hate anyone else. I don't hate people based upon their religion, skin tone, national origin, etc. I strongly dislike people who are assholes. In my lifetime, I've met maybe half a dozen “openly” Jewish people. I use the term “openly”, because I'm quite certain I've met more than six Jewish people in my life...but, much like people of other religions, they don't always feel the need to shove their beliefs down your throat. That said, I did grow up in a predominantly Southern Baptist suburb on the Texas gulf coast, so there just ain't that many of them around here. The two Jewish kids I went to school with were cool as hell, and made for great drinking partners when we got older. The guy who went off on the LaRouchePAC reps at school was kinda an asshole. The Jewish chicks in my Mathematical Reasoning class were nice, but they were dumb as a brick like the rest of the sorority sluts in that class. So pay attention. I don't hate “Jewish people”, I just can't stand assholes.

Moving right along. Israel is, by far, our largest foreign policy issue. We give more money to Israel than any other nation on earth, even though its' population is roughly twice the size of Houston, TX. Because of their long-standing feud with the Palestinian Arabs since the UN Partition Plan of 1947, the rest of the Arab world has held animosity toward us. Anyone with an objective view can see that the Arabs in that situation got royally screwed, and as a result, the Arabs got pissed and started a war. It hasn't stopped. Israel came out on top, because we keep giving them so much money and so many guns. The fact that Israel's air force consists of modern fighter jets, instead of a few guys with shotguns in a hot air balloon, speaks volumes about the amount of money and guns we give them...especially when one considers their extremely small population.

This foreign aid to Israel is the main reason the Muslim population has their “death to America” parades. Why continue it?

THE THREAT OF ISLAM

Or, I suppose, maybe we should call it “the lack thereof”. It's impossible to start a rational discussion about the subject of Islam, without someone quoting something to do with “Sharia Law”, “Militant Islam”, or this crazy notion that all terrorists are Muslims.

First, imposing “Sharia Law” is illegal in this nation, for the same reason that imposing any other law based upon religion is illegal. We have this thing called the First Amendment. Many like to quote a New Jersey case, in which a protective order was not granted based upon a couples' culture, which was quickly shot down in appeals for this very reason. Sharia law DOES make itself present often in civil disputes, in which 3^rd Party arbitrators are used...but it is CONSENSUAL AMONGST BOTH THE PLAINTIFF AND THE DEFENDANT, just as any other 3^rd Party arbitrator would be. A judge must approve the judgment. It doesn't matter if they are Muslims wanting to use Sharia, professional baseball players and owners wanting to use accountants, or two hillbilly meth heads wanting to use a Magic 8 Ball. If both parties agree, they have a right to settle their differences how they see fit. Get over it, you aren't involved and you aren't bound by it.

Now, let's look at “militant Islam”. It's no different than any other hard-line religious order. It's usually based upon a warped interpretation of a religious text, amongst people of low IQ and less education. That said, “militant Islam” wasn't responsible for 9/11. Total failure of those we are forced to depend upon to protect us, because .gov refuses to allow us to protect ourselves, is solely to blame. Let us not forget, the official government story of 9/11 says it was perpetrated by 19 men who were armed with $2 box cutters available at any Dollar General. Even before 9/11, you'd catch a ration of shit if you tried to board a plane with a Buck knife in your pocket. Motive wasn't responsible for 9/11, total government failure was. If a person can hijack an airplane with a box cutter, he can hijack a plane without one.

Moving right along, the claim that “all terrorists are Muslim” isn't true. It isn't even remotely close. The tactic of suicide bombing was made famous by atheist communists known as the Tamil Tigers. Car bombings have been around almost as long as cars themselves, and were made famous by Catholic Irishmen...made so famous, in fact, that there's even a drink named after it!

The fact of the matter is, most Islamic people in the world are of North African, Western Asian, or Middle Eastern descent...and these people really hate America, because America has been meddling in their business since the dawn of the 20^th century. That's one hundred years of discontent. We have imposed sanctions upon their governments resulting in starvation and bombings, we have funded oppressive monarchs, we have removed democratically-elected leaders and replaced them with oppressive dictators, and we have done it chiefly in the name of protecting the business interests of large American corporations.

Is it so wrong to see this as the problem, as opposed to blaming it on the popular religious belief in the area?

FOREIGN AID

The United States is trillions of dollars in debt. That's TRILLIONS of dollars, with a “T”. I don't think it's wrong to suggest that we stop giving foreign aid to EVERYONE (yes, even Israel, our biggest welfare queen). It is not only bankrupting us, but our foreign aid always comes with strings attached. Many times, these “strings” do not benefit the common man in the nations we provide this “aid” to. Often, it enriches corrupt governments and the US corporations which benefit from it.

What good is so great that it requires cooperation with corrupt and oppressive governments?

ISOLATIONISM

It is, by any reasonable logic, completely wrong to say it is “isolationist” to deny monetary and military aid to another nation. In fact, our founders felt the same way.

To use a localized example, imagine your neighbors are having a very loud domestic dispute. She got caught using the joint checking account to pay her “on the side” man's car note. The dispute has now gone into the front yard, where the entire neighborhood can hear and see it.

“Isolationism” is the idea that she cannot seek refuge at your house, use the telephone to call her boyfriend-on-the-side, cannot ask you for a band-aid because he slapped the shit out of her, cannot ask you to watch the kids, etc.

“Non-interventionism” means you don't go over there with your snubbie .38 and bust a cap in his ass, because he got upset about his paycheck being spent on the guy that's boning his wife...but if you feel the need to put her kids in a safe place, give her a band-aid, let her use the phone, etc, that's cool.

Is it really wrong to suggest that we aren't the world's policeman?

NATIONAL DEFENSE

Like it or not, there is no “national defense” motive to killing American citizens without trial. There is no “national defense” motive to invade another sovereign nation...regardless of whether the non-state party who attacked us may or may not have originated from that nation. The American people have yet to be provided with proof that the Afghani government sponsored the attacks of 9/11, or even knowlingly provided safe harbor for those who would. We have yet to be shown proof that Iraq was ever even remotely connected to 9/11, had ever attacked us, or even remotely posed any threat to our national security.

In the meantime, the past decade has seen the largest influx of illegal immigration on record. We now have “border patrol checkpoints” 250mi inland, supposedly to combat the problem. Our current president does not give a damn about the issue. Our past president wanted “guest workers”, and decided to enrich his friends with a “virtual fence” consisting of a bunch of high-tech motion sensors and cameras...instead of an actual fence.

Meanwhile, this nation's borders are as porous as a bathtub made of chicken wire. The “invasion” occurs as I type this, and our National Guard is powerless to stop it...because, when they're given orders to gear up, they're being sent to the Middle East.

Why, instead of defending America, would you insist on spreading our military so thin that it becomes as useless as the Roman army during the days of Nero?